Remakes are always a controversial subject. A few weeks ago, I wrote about how a remake of my favorite Hitchcock film made my nervous, even though it was to be helmed by one of my favorite directors. I think that is why Roger Ebert once said that they shouldn’t remake great movies; they should remake movies with great premises which were poorly executed. Here are ten movies that fall between interesting stinkers and some of the most beloved classics of all time.
What was the original about? Pathetic loser (rumor is the character was based on Tom Kelly) finds excitement when he discovers his bloodline ties him into a league of assassins who ensure that those fated to die don’t temp fate.
What Should Be Different This Time? The movie, which was a decent action flick starring James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie, is based on the Mark Millar series where instead of assassins, the main characters are supervillians who have taken over the world and made the “sheep” forget there were ever heroes in the world. At the time, it made sense to shift from superpowers to assassins. All these years later, it’s time to revisit the original premise.
Who Should Be Involved? The original cast was excellent and is tough to replace. I’d go a little younger, and cast Logan Lerman (Fury) and Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones) as the lead.
What was the original about? A high school honor student is involved in a science accident
where a radioactive spider but him and gains telekinesis. Hilarity and boobies ensure. There was a direct to DVD sequel years later, and some other Disney channel property sniped the name.
What Should Be Different This Time? I wonder if we are as tolerant about a male using powers to rip off the clothes of an unwilling female in the 21st century. Might need to make it a little less stalkerish. Otherwise, the same premise could be dusted off for a new generation.
Who Should Be Involved? Michael Cera in the Scott Baio role and…well….really anyone can fill in for Willie Aames. He’s not that tough. The only requirement I have is that Dave Chappelle MUST play the role originated by Scatman Cruthers. MR. EINSTEIN! MR. EINSTEIN!
What was the original about? A group of fraternity degenerates on double secret probation for their ridiculous (and hilarious) antics try to get by on a 0.0 GPA. In this inspriational film we remember that you should never give up because America didn’t give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.
What Should Be Different This Time? Don’t try to ape the original. It is too classic and it still holds up. Try to capture the spirit and vulgarity but explore how different campus life is in the 21st century. I know this sounds like heresy, but I think we have the right person for the job.
Who Should Be Involved? Judd Apatow and his frat boy crew. Jonah Hill as Belushi? Jay Baruchel as Pinto? They can do the trick! Until then, do you mind if we dance with your dates?
Men in Black
What was the original about? A Will Smith action trilogy about earth cops who protect an unsuspecting public from the alien menaces of the universe.
What Should Be Different This Time? I’m not suggesting MiB meets Dark Knight, but I’d play it a little less hokey. You know? Keep Will Smith away from the project. Play it in the vein of the MCU.
Who Should Be Involved? Guardians of the Galaxy’s humor and action would be the perfect model so why not let James Gunn reboot this franchise with Michael B Jordan as J and Bryan Cranston as the curmudgeonly K.
What was the original about? Needing more recruits, the city’s police academy opens its doors to less desirable candidates.
What Should Be Different This Time? Not a thing. You could probably use 80% of the original script…
Who Should Be Involved? Zac Efron is this generation’s Steve Guttenberg. In related news, Zac Efron hates me for saying that!
Gone With The Wind
What was the original about? A romanticized view of Civil War era plantation life as adapted from the classic Margaret Mitchell novel.
What Should Be Different This Time? Controversial right? Remake one of the most beloved and successful films of all time? Yeah. We want to see it use the source material but tell the film without glmaourizing life on plantations. It WASN’T that great for everyone.
Who Should Be Involved? I’d love to see Steve McQueen tackle it. It doesn’t need to be 12 Years A Slave part 2, but I trust McQueen to show the full story in an honest manner.
What was the original about? Hailed by Ryan Garcia as one of the five greatest works of art in human civilization, Clue is an adaptation of the Parker Bros boardgame where mystery and murder is happening left and right.
What Should Be Different This Time? It’s really the interplay with the cast that made the first movie as great as Ryan claims. We need an equally strong cast this time.
Who Should Be Involved? Neil Patrick Harris is already in talks with me to play Wadsworth (TIM CURRY!). Put in Sara Silverman to play Mrs. White. How about Christina Applegate as Miss Scarlet? Christine Baranski as Mrs. Peacock. Ooh! Alec Baldwin as Colonel Mustard! I could go on, but Ryan’s head would explode.
6 thoughts on “Movie Remakes That Actually Make Sense”
I’ll take being played in a movie by James McAvoy and hanging with Angelina Jolie if that’s what it takes.
You are FORBIDDEN from smoking whatever it you smoke while writing this post.
Hey, he didn’t suggest remaking anything that featured Harrison Ford the first time around.
I’d love to see a version of Wanted that was faithful to the original book.
No studio would take a chance on it, though.
I think they’d be much more likely to make that movie now than when they made the first one, but you’re probably right.