Insincere Secret Origins As Told By A Douchbag Poet

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In last week’s Gabbing Geek podcast, I channeled my inner douchebag (it was tricky) and provided the secret origins of some of our favorite superheroes in the form of bar poetry.  We present them here to you in case you didn’t listen to the podcast.  In related news, LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN PODCAST!
#1
Hung with beach balls before Hanks made it lame.
How I got the skills to play the hero game.
Modeled my style after a hero of old.
Rocked the goatee back when it was still bold.
I’m a liberal. One of the doves.
That’s why I prefer boxing gloves.
Now for the part that is a game.
Gabbing Geeker. Say my name.
#2
The tragedy should have me in stitches
But I’m suddenly flush with riches
We’re talking trust fund, bitches
Some people think my heart should melt
But Have you seen my fancy car and belt?
I wear black, grey or crap like that
But I don’t wear it because I’m fat.
I take the night an icon of dread
And get to smack thugs in the head.
Now for the part that is a game
Ryan/Jenny. Say my name.
#3
Poor as a kid. Hard to pay rent.
Then I had my accident.
Kind of like a bat but not that bitch, Bruce Wayne.
From NYC. No accent like Bane.
I can whip dat ass no matter who I’m facin’.
Solving crimes like Perry Mason.
Now for the part that is a game
Ryan/Jenny. Say my name.

 

 

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