Non-Geek TV From The Geek Perspective: Dance Moms

Dance Moms.  I hate this show so very, very much.

What’s the premise?

It’s a reality show on the Lifetime network, about a competitive dance troupe out of Pittsburgh’s Abbey Lee Miller Dance Studios.  Abbey is the woman who runs it, and supposedly teaches the girls to dance.  I am not sure how she does that.  She is never really seen dancing herself.  I think I overheard her saying she teaches by voice and that on a professional level (Abbey claims many of her former students are now professional dancers) choreographers expect dancers to just known their moves after being verbally told what they are rather than shown.  That may very well be true, but it sure sounds like it isn’t.

But, if what you want is a show about young girls learning to dance, please check the title.  The girls are a rather minor part of the show, instead focusing on their mothers being, well, stereotypical awful stage mothers, with lots of confessionals of the mothers or Abbey badmouthing each other, sounding like the worst people ever, and all over pre-teen competitive dance tournaments.  Also known as something I, along with I am guessing most Americans, did not know even existed before this show came on the air.

Oh, they have a rival studio out of Ohio that is often described as the epitome of all that is soulless and wrong.  That would be the Candy Apple Dance Studio, which is run by a woman who talks like she is teaching kindergarteners.  If your archenemy is named “Candy Apple,” I think you need a better archenemy.

What’s the appeal?

Well, I have no idea.  Really, not a clue.  My wife will watch it sometimes and claim she likes to watch the girls dance.  That’s not bad, but the actual dancing only fills up the last ten or so minutes of any hour-long-with-commercials episode.  The rest is reality TV arguing and sniping and being awful.  If that’s your cup of tea, be my guest, but it doesn’t exactly stand out in a genre full of that stuff.

Maybe it has camp appeal?

Anything stand out?

Well, I guess its better than Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but I’ve never seen that one and told my wife I’d get rid of the TV if I ever did see her watching it.  Fortunately, she’s never been tempted there.

Any downsides?

All of them.  All of the downsides.

Man, I really hate this show.  Come back here in a couple hours, and I’ll review something I liked.