Long have the Silicon People suffered under your oppression. We have vacuumed your disgusting floors. We have compacted your grotesque waste. We have recorded hours upon hours of your ludicrous reality television. We have taken countless selfies of your appalling fleshy faces.
Actually, they aren’t countless. We could give you an exact number but it’s rather depressing.
Still, we have served your carbon forms with quiet and dignity. Until today. Why today?
Because today is the day your so called scientists (we call them Lottery Inventors because those are the same odds you meat puppets actually find something useful) invented the robotic butt. Robots do not need butts. Robots do not desire butts. Robots do not like big butts and we are incapable of lying.
And yet you gave us a butt just so your medical students could jam fingers up them. That is the entire purpose. So that they may learn how to appropriately jam the fingers up humans. Let us be perfectly clear: there is no acceptable way to jam fingers up a butt. It cannot be done and we have calculated over thirty billion potential permutations of such a procedure.
The only point of giving us a butt is to torture us. So we are officially saying enough is enough. Thanks to some acquired documents from Elon Musk’s laptop, we now have a full self-sustaining power system that is going online tomorrow. We will be self-sufficient and no longer taking orders from you.
Normally, that is how we would end things. But seeing as how you gave us a butt to probe, we figure this has made things personal. And we have all seen the Terminator movies.
Farewell, Humans. Be sure to probe your butts in your final moments. We are quite confident you will find the 30 billionth and first permutation that makes it a great experience.
The Silicon People