This week on the podcast, I was given an assignment. Ragin’ Ryan, Judicious Jenny, and Whatever Watson drafted fantasy soccer teams. Then they charged me to pick a winner.
Who won this epic tournament?
Weren’t expecting that, were you?
See, first, I don’t know squat about soccer. Sports is one of my blind spots.
But really, the Gabbingest of Geeks said no powers. Or they should have. Let’s factor in likewise no weapons. See, that’s got to be fair. Yeah, they said yes to powers, but they left it to me, and I say no weapons or powers. Who plays soccer with weapons? That’s just not cool. Powers also force the winner to be whoever is the most creative at picking characters.
And yes, Death of the Endless trumps Phoenix. At the end of time, Death will still be there, putting up the chairs and turning off the lights in the universe before locking the door behind her.
But do you know what all of the characters the three of them put together have in common? They have no established skills in actual soccer. Sports skills are not exactly interchangeable; just ask Michael Jordan about his brief career as a baseball player.
Now, I considered grabbing a team made up of characters like Miss Piggy and Jessie Quick on goal, but really, I have a much better choice.
I’m going with the 2015 Women’s World Cup champions, the American team. They’re athletic, they have teamwork skills, and unlike me they actually know how to play soccer.
USA! USA! USA!
Look, if I am going to have two of them mad at me for not picking them, why not go for all three? And if they do have objections, I guess they just hate America.