Jimmy Attempts To Read All Of Convergence: Week Eight

convergence-8

I’ll admit I ran out of steam and interest with the release of Convergence #8.  It took me awhile to get around to completing my reading of the tie-ins, and it didn’t help they were some of the weaker tie-ins of the bunch.  Plus Secret Wars was full steam ahead over at Marvel and I was excited to move onto that.  As such, this final post on DC’s big early summer event got lost in the shuffle.

But since I am contractually obligated to finish these posts, I’ll make a very late attempt to clue things up after the break.

Be sure to catch up on all the Convergence happenings with coverage of:

Week One: Part One, Part Two
Week Two: Part One, Part Two
Week Three:Part One, Part Two
Week Four:Part One, Part Two
Week Five: Part One, Part Two
Week Six: Part One, Part Two
Week Seven: Part One, Part Two

Read on for Week Eight spoilers after the break for Convergence #8, Convergence Action Comics #2, Convergence Detective Comics #2, Convergence Blue Beetle #2, Convergence Booster Gold #2, Convergence Crime Syndicate #2, Convergence Infinity Inc #2, Convergence Justice Society Of America #2, Convergence Plastic Man And The Freedom Fighters #2, Convergence Shazam #2 and Convergence World’s Finest Comics #2.

Convergence #8

This issue picks up after Parallax has killed Deimos, releasing the temporal energy of the Time Masters and making Telos a bullet to destroy the multiverse.  Parallax claims that he can save everybody.  “Yeah, just go and get me all the Green Lantern rings you can find…”.  Uh no, sorry Mr. Zero Hour.  We won’t be doing that.

But there may yet be hope.  Booster Gold, Waverider and Goldstar arrive, but the temporal energy is too much for even them to absorb.  So Waverider frees Brainiac!  (BTW, check out the Booster Gold tie-in for more on BG, Waverider and Goldstar in one of the few tie-ins that have any relevance.)

Our collection of heroes attack and Brainiac just ignores them.  “Please, I could just destroy you all.”  Telos pleads with Brainiac to stabilize the planet and save the multiverse.  Brainiac wines and cries (literally) and we get a Brainiac origin that is supposed to make us feel bad for him.  An origin that includes a recap of many of DC’s big Crisis events and also, somewhat surprisingly, Grant Morrison’s Multiversity.

Back in the New 52 universe no one is doing anything.  Seriously.  It is possibly the end of all things, and Superman and Supergirl are just watching and holding hands and hoping that someone else can save the day.  Seriously?

Brainiac has agreed to help and step one is to return all the cities captured on Telos to their respective timelines and universes.  Except the Earth-2 refugees who don’t have a home.  Brainiac says to just pick one and he’ll send them there.  But they want to go back to their own universe…even though Darkseid had destroyed the Earth there.

But there is a problem!  The first Crisis is blocking Brainiac from sending everyone home.  It is too big, too strong, and if not changed the multiverse will collapse into one universe again.  Brainiac tells Supergirl and the Flash that he has to send them back to their pre-Crisis existence and to their fates to die in the Crisis.  They agree to do it “like we did before”.  (Damn this thing makes no sense.)

But pre-Flashpoint Superman has other ideas.  He is going to go back with Supergirl and Flash to help them fight in Crisis and possibly save them and the multiverse.  Lois won’t let him go without her and their son.  Superman reluctantly agrees to take them with them.  I’m sure they will be helpful against the Anti-Monitor.  And lastly, Parallax also agrees to go back.  He knows no one believes him, but he wants a chance at redemption.  And with that Brainiac sends the six of them off to save the multiverse.

And then one of the worst pieces of story telling in the history of comics occurs.  The battle to save the multiverse could be an event onto itself.  Or even a mini-series.  Or maybe a page or two here.  How about even a panel dedicated to it?  Nope.  Perhaps the biggest event, with the most consequences in the history of the DC universe, and this is literally what we get:

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Seriously?

Yup.  They did.  Huzzah!  The multiverse is saved!  Lame.

But wait, not only is the multiverse that we knew saved…ALL MULTIVERSES HAVE BEEN SAVED!  WTF?  So now pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and post-Zero Hour and Flashpoint and whatever else you want to write stories about still exists!  The main DCU will continue on as The New 52 is but now all worlds are open to DC writers to explore.  (And explore they shall.  Look for new series featuring Telos, Superman and son among others coming soon.)  I ranted a bit about this in a podcast reaction column when Convergence originally ended.

There is one loose end to tie up though.  The Earth-2 folks still don’t have a home.  And Brainiac doesn’t care.  He has the memory that they existed and that is enough for him.  He declares that the planet they are on must be cleansed.  No trace of the cities or chronal energy must remain.  And with that he returns to Earth-0 and leaves Telos and the Earth-2 heroes to die.

After the cleansing has occurred we see a single green dome has survived.  Green Lantern has saved them all.  And the planet, now no longer under the rule of Brainiac instantly sprouts vegetation.  The entire planet is covered in green in about two seconds.  Take that germination period!

In a final twist, and sure to piss off the readers that have complained all along that this whole story is too focused on the survivors of Earth-2, the planet has been teleported to their universe (because: reasons) and is now the new Earth-2!

Convergence Action Comics #2

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As promised by the cover, the beginning of this issue is an extended fight scene between Pre-Crisis Power Girl and Red Son Wonder Woman.  That is until pre-Crisis Earth-2 Superman steps in and lays the smack down on WW.  The threesome manage to finally come to the realization that they are being manipulated and need to work together as an earthquake hits.

Meanwhile Lex Luthor has kidnapped Stalin and taken over Moscow.  Through the magic of the Telos Internet he has surveillance cameras watching all the other cities.  Not that it matters much, his plan is just to launch missile strikes and destroy them all anyway.

It looks like he will be successful until Supes, WW and PG break in and stop him.   They free Stalin and destroy all of Luthor’s robots.

The epilogue shows Power Girl and Superman saying goodbye to their families as they head off to join the fight in Convergence…#6?  This issue is continued in a book that came out two weeks ago?

And you have to wonder where was Red Son Superman during all of this?  Oh, there he is…

Convergence Detective Comics #2

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You know you are stretching things when the first two pages of the second part of your two part limited series is a recap of last issue.  After the refresher we learn that Red Son Superman has survived last episodes explosive conclusion and not surprisingly also saved Helena Wayne in the process.

Pre-Crisis Earth-2 Dick Grayson and Superman make their second attempt to talk of a peaceful resolution to being pitted against each other by Telos, when Red Son Batman appears, drops a smoke grenade and swoops off with Dick and Helena.

He takes them to a dilapidated lead-foil-lined (nice) hovel.  After a lengthy heart to heart between Bats and his Earth-2 equivalents child and partner, the Dark Knight leaves them but gives Dick a gift.  He says he will know what to do with it when the time is right.

The rest of the issue sees Dick and Helena in a futile cat and mouse chase with Superman.  When it finally looks like it is over, Dick breaks out his gift from Batman.  Could you guess that it was going to be kryptonite?  It is killing Superman until Dick throws it away.  He can’t kill Superman.  There has to be another way.  Again, Helena is not impressed.

Superman agrees not to kill Dick and Helena and they shake hands and call it a draw.  With that, Telos’ voice booms over Moscow that “You’ve defied the rules!  There will be consequences!”  Seriously, Telos has time to deal with these squabbles and plot consequences all the while fighting for survival against Deimos in the main series?

The city begins to shake and the common earthquake seems to be ready to tear the city apart, when Dick and Helena are teleported back to Earth-2 Metropolis.  But this is “certainly not the end” as Dick finally steps up from being Robin to Batman and he and Helena head out on patrol.

Convergence Blue Beetle #2

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It’s Blue Beetle, The Question and Captain Atom versus the Legionnaires.  Well, that hardly seems fair.

As is typical with these issues, since pretty much everyone pitted against each other are heroes, they talk first to get the other to surrender without any bloodshed.  Which never happens (or these would be short stories and not two issue wastes of money mini-series) and the battle begins!

As Captain Atom and The Question somehow hold their own, the Blue Beetle has gathered the Legionnaires Saturn Girl, Princess Projectra and Computo for his own plan.  About thirty seconds after the foursome began to speak, the Convergence earthquake hits…and Hub City is completely destroyed.  Well now, most of the other cities barely sustain any property damage via the earthquakes.

Since the city is destroyed, there is no further need for the heroes to fight.  The Hub City heroes and Legionnaires board Beetle’s ship to discuss terms of surrender.

But wait…what is that out the window?  Hub City completely intact!  It seems Blue Beetle recruited the Legionnaire trio to create the illusion that Hub City was destoryed so that Telos thinks he has a winner and a loser in their battle.  And they all fly off to get a beer and live happily ever after.

We won’t worry about how Beetle knew there would be an earthquake or how Telos could be so easily deceived…

Convergence Booster Gold #2

convergence-booster-gold-2

One of the only tie-ins that actually seems to mean something.  Post Zero Hour Booster Gold is ecstatic to come across his best friend Blue Beetle in the Pre Zero Hour Metropolis.  Which is good timing as Booster is growing quite ill and Beetle is just the guy to help.

Meanwhile, New 52 Booster, Michelle and Rip Hunter have their hands full with the Legion of Super Heroes.  And for some reason (comics) the presence of Booster returns the Legions powers to them.  It matters little though as Rip and friends escape into the time stream.

New 52 Booster and company finally track down the other Booster at Kord Industries, but Booster has aged rapidly and is about to die.  In an attempt to save Booster they take him to Vanishing Point and place him in a Chronal Field.  Absorbing the chronal energy, Booster is transformed into Waverider and flies off to make his appearance in Convergence #8

Convergence Crime Syndicate #2

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In the Metropolis of the 853 century, it is all out war between the Crime Syndicate and the Justice League from DC’s One Million event.

Highlights include Owlman running away from Batman like a coward.  Batman defeating Johnny Quick using a paralyzing neurotoxin.  Both Superman and Ultraman being defeated because they simply run out of juice without the sun to recharge their powers.  And Wonder Woman killing Owlman, because, why not?

Oh, and remember Superwoman dying last issue?  Yeah that didn’t stick and she’s back to get revenge against WW for killing her beloved Owlman.

The issue ends with the earthquake which appears to kill Batman and Wonder Woman.  “The End?”  I hope so.

Convergence Justice Society Of America #2

convergence-justice-society-of-america-2

The old timers of the Justice Society are rejuvanted, de-aged and back in action to defend Metropolis against the war machines from Qward.  And they do!  Huzzah!  (Yeah, yeah, I know I just did basically what I complained about Convergence #8 doing above, but no one pays me and no one cares and no one is reading this except my mom.  (Editor’s Note: “Jimmy, your mom is a 75 year old woman who can barely check her email and has never read a comic in her life.  I don’t think she’s reading this.”)  Sigh.)

Last issue seemed to imply that this last hurrah would be the death of them, but in the end the JSA are not dead…just old again.  Creaky knees, bad backs and all.  But they have one act left to do…and head off to meet with the members of Infinity Inc for one of the rare title crossovers in this event.

Convergence Infinity Inc #2

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It’s Infinity Inc vs Jonah Hex and the Dogs of War.  They fight until the earthquake hits and starts dropping buildings on Hex and the inhabitants of his city.  At which point Geo-Force calls an end to the battle and all begin sorting through the wreckage caused by the quake in search of survivors.

Geo-Force then reaches out with his powers and learns that Telos no longer has control of the planet and as such, the two cities no longer need to do battle.  Not really consistent with other tie-ins post earthquake, but probably makes more sense then they do.

After saving about 800 of the cities 1000 inhabitants, Infinity Inc heads back home to Metropolis.  Behind them Hex’s city blows up anyway, likely thanks to some faulty fusion reactors.  The crew want to go back and help but Dr. Fate (still with powers mind you, which he lost at the end of JSA #2) shows up and says “forget about them, the Justice Society has important business to discuss”.  Way to be a dick Dr. Fate.

And that important business that necessitated leaving 800 people to die?  Oh, just to tell Infinity Inc that the JSA were finally retiring and that they could take the name Justice Society if they wanted!  Outstanding news!  As they celebrate, Jonah Hex and his city are all burning to death.  But we get to use the name!  We’ve finally made it to the bigs!

Convergence Plastic Man And The Freedom Fighters #2

convergence-plastic-man-and-the-freedom-fighters-2
Remember the DC series Futures End?  In it, Brother Eye has taken over the world and made killer cyborgs out of pretty much everyone including Superman and Wonder Woman.  Seems like a tough enemy.  An enemy that would make quick work of B-Listers Plastic Man and his Freedom Fighters right?  Umm…

Not only does Plas pretty much single handily beat Brother Eye…he mostly does it by accident by setting off some explosives that he thought were fake.  And then after the earthquake we see the future city flying off into the sky (that’s new)…and…Plas escapes before the entire city blows up.  Good riddance I guess?

Convergence Shazam #2

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This one’s got to be good right?  It’s got a larger than life Gotham By Gaslight Batman right there on the cover!

After the prerequisite fight between our heroes Batman and Captain Marvel, the duo team up to take on Bats rogues gallery.  Gaslight versions of the Joker, Harley, Two-Face, Penguin among others.  They are in the service of Mr. Atom who’s planning something evil or something.

While Bats and the rest of the Marvel Family take care of the rouges, the big red cheese makes short work of the giant robotic Mr. Atom and discovers that inside hides the true villian: a Glo-Worm!

gloworm
I never trusted that green bastard.

Actually, it is a villain called Mr. Mind, some sort of physic caterpillar.   Much better.

Defeated, Mr. Mind sets his big robot to self destruct, which makes a big mess of Gotham.

With Mind defeated and the rogues free from his mind control (because they aren’t an evil pain in the ass anyway), Bats and the Marvel family go their separate ways.  Until Convergence 2.  Dear God…don’t let there be a Convergence 2.

Convergence World’s Finest Comics #2

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Do you really want to read a summary about the Seven Soldiers of Victory versus some jerks from Qward?

Why don’t I just post this picture for Jenny instead and move along:

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“Jimmy? Really? You’re going to end things like this?

Ok, fine Mr. Cumberbatch…

The Vigilante and The Crimson Avenger fight the throngs of Qwardians in what appears to be a losing battle.  But it’s one for all and all for one and three for five and they’ll fight to the bitter end.

Meanwhile, the head jerk from Qward kills Sir Justin’s horse Victory, yet the knight still shows mercy when he has the Qwardian down and at the end of his blade.  He offers the Qwardian Weaponer a team up against Telos, their true enemy.  At which point Telos shows up and says “hey man, I won’t kill anybody, fate will decide what happens to your city.  Here, let me lift you up in my giant hands and place you back home.  I’m just going to go for a stroll now.  Hey, is that an earthquake?”

And with that, we’re finally done.  Thank God.

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3 thoughts on “Jimmy Attempts To Read All Of Convergence: Week Eight”

  1. I love this. I too was only really into the Marvel comics, but I’m trying to get into DC, post Convergence. I am totally going to try and do this with all the Secret Wars titles, once they start appearing on the Marvel app (way to many of them coming out, no way I can keep up with buying them all)

    Liked by 1 person

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