Virgin Vampire: Lovers Walk (S3E8)

Virgin Vampire Buffy Seires First Watch

In every generation there is a Chosen One. I alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of  Netflix.  I am the slayer! And these are my chronicles while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time…. as a 35 year old woman. That’s right – I am a Buffy virgin.

Today we will be talking about Season 3, Episode 8. If you’re (re)watching with me, or even if you’re not, tell me what you thought about this episode in the comments!

For past posts, please reference my Handy-Dandy-Xandy-Guide.

Season 3, Episode 8: Lovers Walk

So for those of you faithful to my Virgin Vampire series, you’ll have noticed that I went on hiatus for about a week. Lord knows I didn’t want to keep you waiting, because nothing is more important then you reading about me experiencing Buffy for the first time, but hey – life isn’t always fair – AmIRight?

But I’m back! And oy – is this episode a doozey. Two major things happen: Spikes is back, and Xander and Willow are outed for kissing. *Sigh* it was only a matter of time…

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Hey Ladies, you see me creepin’… I be creepin’ right into your panties.

We first see spike roll up in his Escalade old jalopy, drunk as a skunk, and ranting and raving about wanting to destroy the world.

The last time we saw Spike he and his mistress Drusilla were trying to overrun Sunnydale with their demon friends. Thankfully the Scooby Gang thwarted his efforts, and life went back to normal. Now that Spike is back, we have to question his motives. Is he here to seek revenge on Buffy? Is he here looking for Drusilla (she left him, yeah – I didn’t know that either)? Or is he here because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

Eventually we find out he’s love sick and is looking for love in all the wrong places. In his efforts to try and figure out how to get Drusilla back, one of his master plans is to create a love potion (I’m not making this up) and recruit Willow (who is now a practicing wiccan) to boil, toil, and trouble the brew.

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All you gotta do is maker her love me again, what’s so hard about that?

Willow is not too keen on helping Spike. It’s not like they are bosom buddies (plus Tom Hanks is anti vampire, that’s a fact.) And why would she? For all she knows, Spike is a bloodsucking vampire with no interests on his mind but his own. Never mind the fact that when Spike approached Willow for help, he resorted to kidnapping Xander as collateral vs. just asking Willow nicely. I don’t know about you, but that’s grounds for a big “F*#K OFF” from me. Doesn’t Spike know that kidnapping is so 1800’s? Get with the 90’s man.

But Xander’s presence add’s an interesting turn of events. You see – we already know that Willow is coo-coo-for-coacoa-puffs for Xander, which leaves her vulernable. Nothing like partnering with a vampire to save the life of a guy you love, but can’t tell anyone about. Love on the rocks – such a life suck. Anyway, it’s not like Spike knew this about Willow and Xander, so it’s a fun turn of events. As Spike locks up Xander in his wicked dungeon of doom (read: some abandoned warehouse), Willow is plotting how to get both her and Xander out of there unscathed.

In the meantime, the rest of the Scooby Gang is on the hunt for their friends. It’s obvious to them that something is up, since both Willow and Xander are missing, and didn’t leave a friendly note on the fridge.  Oz and Cordelia get in a van (down by the river) and set off to find their lovers.

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Cordelia: “I told you to take a left.” Oz: “Listen, I can smell her, we have to take a right.” Cordelia: “You can smell her? Eeeewwwww.”

Oz, being the half dog/werewolf that his is, has a superhuman radar for Willow and is able to track her scent in no time.

How convenient.

Side note: There are those people right, the ones that you can smell from a mile away. You know the ones in the office that wear waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to much cologne or perfume. Or the people who refuse to wear deodorant. You can even smell their ghost smell – that lingering waft of awful once they walk past you, or if you magically turn a corner and hit the same path they were walking. Bodily Ghost Fumes… BGF… that’s what I call them. It’s worse than crop dusting.

Anyway, while Oz and Cordelia are on their way, the unsuspecting Willow an Xander duo still think they are in peril. So what do you do when you think you’re about to die?

Sex.

XANDER_lover's_walk

Okay – just kidding.

No sex for these two love birds, more like kissing. Come on – they’re 17…I think.

Kissing seems more appropriate anyway. There just wasn’t enough time to get the clothes off and get all hot-and-bothered. I mean, they are about to die, they have no way out of Spike’s fun house, and they secretly love each other. Yes – kissing is absolutely appropriate.

Until Oz and Cordelia walk in on you.

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Uh oh.

Busted.

And that’s when all hell breaks loose. Willow and Xander stop sucking face just in time to see Oz and Cordelia look completely destroyed, and instead of getting mad, they help Willow and Xander out of Spike’s lair (which is ridiculous, because if Willow and Xander couldn’t find a way out, how the hell did Oz and Cordelia find a way in. I blame the 90’s! Damn you 90’s plot holes!). And on their way out the unspeakable happens, Cordelia falls to her death!

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Iron rod straight to her chest!

Oh god! Oh god! Did that really just happen?

Let’s get a close up.

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It did just happen! Cordelia is dead!

Am I happy about this? You bet your damn toodles…..

Wait a second.

Psych.

Cordelia isn’t dead. So don’t get your panties in a knot. And no, I’m not happy for her death, so calm down. Calm down.

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Cordelia is left in the hospital with a broken rib, and a -dare I say it- a broken heart.

Damn it. I actually feel bad for her.

If I put myself in her shoes, where the last thing I saw before I plummeted to my (almost) death was my boyfriend kissing another women, then I’d be having a bad day too. Never mind the broken rib, Xander is jerk. And so is Willow for that matter. No matter what – they shouldn’t have been cheating on their significant others. Cheating sucks. No matter what, cheating sucks.

The last thing we see is Xander trying his Xander best to explain to Cordelia that he is sorry – and all we get is Cordelia telling Xander to stay away from her.

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Mic Drop.

Cordelia out.

Until next time – keep on slaying Buffy fans!

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