Look, we know you’re busy. We know you have things to do. So do we. But the Box Office Report isn’t going to write itself. We know. We tried to see if that would happen.
So, who made money this past weekend?
Well, people are still going to see The Martian.
For Halloween weekend, more people bought tickets to see Matt Damon’s skinny butt on another planet. You know, many people are afraid of isolation. I’ve seen this one, it’s not really a horror film, but whatever. There was over $11 million worth of ticket sales for this monster. Do you suppose the next one will have Matt Damon stranded on Jupiter? Sequels always go bigger and louder.
But hey, other movies got butts into seats, too. It’s Halloween. I am sure the next one will be a horror film.
Was Goosebumps scary? I dunno. It didn’t look scary unless you find lawn gnomes frightening. Well, ventriloquist dummies often are. The state of Jack Black’s film career can be kinda scary. Whatever. That was #2.
#3 was Bridge of Spies. It sold a lot of tickets. Nuclear paranoia was scary. Now we have terrorism. I miss nuclear paranoia.
#4 was Hotel Transylvania 2. On the one hand, Adam Sandler had another hit and he will be encouraged to continue to make stuff like Pixels as a result. Thanks a heap, America. On the other hand, I can always look at this as good news for the movie’s director, Genndy Tartakovsky, who gave the world The Powerpuff Girls, Samurai Jack, and those original awesome Clone Wars cartoons that helped make Episode III look even worse by comparison. That guy deserves more success.
#5 was something called Burnt. I don’t really know what that is.
OK, there’s your Box Office report. I hope you’re all happy now. I’m going back to work to see if I can modify Spoilerbot to do this for us next week.