Jimmy Attempts To Read All Of Secret Wars XXXVI

The end is near for Secret Wars.  After last weeks releases there are only 4 issues left in the event (I think), two of which are the conclusion to the main series.  After the break I’ll have a look at Secret Wars #7 and two other series that wrapped up: Thors (I’ll look at Thors #3 and Thors #4) and Squadron Sinister with issue #4.

Be sure to check out our latest Secret Wars Power Rankings, which also features links to the other parts of my read through.

Secret Wars #7

This issue starts with the big reveal that The Prophet is Maximus!  The least surprising reveal of the year.

Now this would have been actually surprising.

The army that The Prophet has raised is marching against Doom.  Doom sends his generals (Mr. Sinister, Apocalypse, Goblin Queen and the Maestro) against The Prophet and his army and also obliterates most of the continuity of the Secret War tie-ins in the process.  (If you’ve read Future Imperfect and Age of Apocalypse you’ll understand what I mean.)

Things aren’t looking good for Doom as Sinister betrays him and takes out the Goblin Queen…and is subsequently taken out by Apocalypse.  So Doom sends in the Thors…but most of them are betraying him as well.  (See Thors #4.)  But the tide may be turning when The Maestro shows up with an army of Hulks.

Meanwhile at The Shield, new BFFs Black Panther and Namor are tearing down what remains of the wall that wasn’t Ben Grimm.  As the Marvel Zombies pile through the duo makes them an offer.  If they journey through the Siege Courageous (courtesy of Dr. Strange’s trophy room last issue) to fight Doom they will be given new life and (I’m assuming) be cured of their zombie-ism.  With some convincing, they agree.

And…that’s it.  This issue felt really short.  And while we’re getting somewhere with the battle against Doom, there’s not much more than setup this issue.

Thors #3

It’s CSI:Thors as Ultimate Thor interrogates the number one suspect in the murders of all the Jane Foster’s and Donald Blake’s: Loki.  And I hope you like talking, because there is a lot of it between these two.  Things get a bit rough when Thor plays good cop and bad cop and Loki talks in riddles and knows a lot more than he is letting on.

Loki doesn’t admit to the murders but admits to moving the bodies so that Thor could find them and to leaving anonymous tips.  He also says there are many more bodies where they came from.  Thor doesn’t believe him, but investigation into the Deadlands uncovers a sea of Foster and Blake skeletons.

But before Ultimate Thor can head back to Doomgard to continue his talk with Loki, he is attacked and left as Marvel Zombie food by Rune Thor and the Thorstroyer.  About to be eaten, he is saved by the original recipe and currently outcast Thor.

Thors #4

Believing Ultimate Thor to be taken care of, Rune Thor and the Thorstroyer head back to Doomgard to tie up the final loose end and kill Loki.

Rune Thor: “We’ll make it look like a suicide.  Don’t worry, I’ve done this lots of times.

But Rune Thor never gets the chance to follow through as Ultimate Thor and Thor Odinson return from the Deadlands to put an end to his reign of terror.  As Rune Thor and Ultimate Thor battle, RT says that he killed the Jane Fosters for the good of the Thors.  To keep the Thor Corps intact.  Because, reasons.

During the battle the two stumble into a meeting of the rest of the Thors where, ironically, 616 survivor Jane Foster Thor is rallying the troops against Doom.  Which very quickly turns into an all out battle between the Thors that side with Jane and those that don’t.  These events tie-in pretty tightly with the betrayal of Doom by the Thors in Secret Wars #7.

Our story here ends as the “betraying” Thors join the battle against Doom.  But not before the book goes all “Old Man Logan” and we see Ultimate Thor’s hammer somehow surviving the creation of the new Marvel Universe and landing on Old Asgard.

Squadron Sinister #4

Over at DC Comics, it is a common story for Batman to defeat Superman.  Which just seems insane from a pure powers point of view.  i.e.  Superman is Superman and Batman has none.  But Batman always finds a way.  So it is only fitting here in this “Marvel Justice League” story that Nighthawk (i.e. Batman) finds a way to defeat the all-powerful Hyperion (i.e. Superman).

Nighthawk has no time to savor his victory as the legion of Starbrands with the help of Sandman show up to try to take him down and liberate Utopolis.

But in the end the Thors show up and arrest Nighthawk for the killing of the Thor that started this whole thing.  Nighthawk pleads his carefully laid out case, until he discovers that Warrior Woman has sold him out to Doom.  Nighthawk accepts his fate and begins a new challenge, surviving against the Ultrons when he is banished over The Shield.

Which should have been the end…but then there is another page tacked on where the people of Utopolis rise up against the Starbrands for some reason and the quote “Better the devil you know then the angel you don’t.”