Gabbing Geek Box Office Report: And Then Something Broke Me


It’s that time again, for the final Box Office Report of 2015.  Oh, it’s been a hell of a year for people buying tickets to movies.  Some of those movies were even worth seeing!

Still no Watson to do this, but we found the next best thing.

Yes, once again we found a distant Watson cousin with an interest in these sorts of numbers, so allow us at Gabbing Geek to present the transcript of a conversation between our brave correspondent and Fredo Watson, who only agreed to meet in a dark Italian restaurant in Little Italy.

Fredo Watson
Fredo Watson

So, what do ya wanna know?  The box office.  Yeah, I got ya box office right here.

So, in first place fer the weekend, there was, oh what a surprise.  Star Wars:  The Force Awakens.  Is anyone surprised by that?  Anyone?  Anyone at all?  Nah, I didn’t think so.  $153.5 million bucks.  I sure wish I had a piece of that action, but my reps don’t really have a place wherever the House o’ Mouse sets up business.  Those guys’ll break yer legs faster’n my ma if you come in late fer Sunday dinner.

Oh, did you think that was funny?  You insultin’ my dear ma?

I didn’t think so.

Anyway, next up was Daddy’s Home with $38.8 million.  Man, that’s a big drop off from first ta second.  I can’t really get behind this movie, though.  Last time Ferrell and Walhberg did a movie together, they were cops.  And not the kinda cops I like, the reliable kind that know their place.  Nah, these were quote unquote honest cops.  I’m tryin’ ta make an honest livin’ too, and some o’ them won’t leave me alone.

We got Joy at number 3.  $17.5 million.  What’s that movie even about?  Eh, who cares.  I heard David O. Russell got a worse temper than Gentlemen Johnny, and you don’t wanna mess wit’ Gentlemen Johnny.

Next up is Sisters.  That got…lessee…$13.8 million.  Some guy tried talkin’ trash about my sisters once.  I didn’t do nuthin’.  I didn’t haf ta.  By the time Teresa and Marie got done wit’ that a******, there wasn’t enough of his d*** left ta f*** a rat’s…

Sorry, got lost in nostalgia there.  You know how it is.

So, roundin’ out the top five we got…what’s this?  Alvin and the Chipmunks Road Chip?  $12.7 million?  How?  How is that even possible?

That doesn’t even SOUND GOOD.

That title is the worst motherf****** s*** I heard in a long time.  Who spends good, hard earned money, all of it earned honestly, to go see some horses*** like that?  It can’t just be parents lookin’ to entertain their kids.  That’s what Star Wars is for!  There’s no excuse for…

Hey, I’ll bet you bought a ticket ta see this s***, didn’t ya?

C’mere, ya lousy–


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