Jimmy Attempts To Read All Of Secret Wars 47 (Guardians Of Knowhere Edition)

With Secret Wars so delayed I thought I might actually get my write ups done before the event finished.  Well, I’ve got approximately 9 days to cover 39 issues.  Not impossible, but going to be tough.   After the break I’ll have a look at Guardians of Knowhere #1-4.  The Bendis/Deodato joint that essentially took the Guradians of the Galaxy shipping slot with the end of the universe.

Be sure to check out our latest Secret Wars Power Rankings, which also features links to the other parts of my read through.

Guardians of Knowhere #1

Knowhere is the moon that orbits Battleworld.

Correct you are Mr. Kenobi.  The “moon” is actually the head of a Celestial that came to conquer Battleworld and God Doom destroyed it, leaving its head floating in orbit as a reminder of Dooms power.

Not familar with the Celestials?  These guys:

We’re bigger than we look.

It’s an interesting set up.  Unfortunately it makes no sense in the narrative of Secret Wars.  One of the biggest aspects of Secret Wars is that Battleworld is all there is.  All there ever has been, all there ever will be.  There are no stars in the sky and the concept of aliens is completely forgeign to the inhabitants of Battleworld since there was no where else to come from.  So where did this Celestial come from if all there is is Battleworld?

That aside, remember the whole “no aliens” thing?  Well, the head is full of aliens, living out their daily lives.  Narrator Bendis makes a comment that the people of Battleworld hear rumors of aliens in the head, but dismiss it as crazy talk.

Angela has come to Knowhere looking for Gamora.  This Angela doesn’t appear to be a Thor, but is an enforcer of law as she is there to arrest Gamora for leaving her territory, which like on Battleworld is strictly forbidden.  Gamora manages to escape with the help of her Guardians teammates Drax and Rocket.  The trio end up hiding out at the home of Mantis.

Rocket wants to know why Gamora keeps breaking the law and leaving Knowhere.  She claims that she does not believe that Doom exists.  That he is just a story made up to keep the people of Knowhere oppressed.  Rocket thinks her crazy and she says that she has seen something that proves her right: Thanos.

Of course, no one knows who or what a Thanos is (though there have been a couple floating around Battleworld).  They don’t have much time to converse further as Yotat has come to kill them all.

Guardians of Knowhere #2

So who is this Yotat and why does he want to kill Drax so badly?  Well, fear not true believer, because this issue starts with a 16 page origin story.  A year ago, Yotat was just a man who discovered the location of The Collectors weapons collection and attempted to use that knowledge to switch sides in a mob war.  Unfortunately he didn’t really think his plan through as the Skrull Giogo turned on him immediately after Yotat reveals the stash.  But instead of taking the weapons, Giogo has them and Yotat destroyed.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the afterlife, Yotat was somehow (comics) transformed into the hulking beast you see up there on the cover.  A few months later he kills Giogo and his mob to exact his revenge.  As he usually is, Rocket is in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Yotat doesn’t kill him, and actually offers him a job as he tries to take over the rest of Knowhere.  To which Rocket answers with a lazer blast to Yotat’s crotch.  Needless to say, offer revoked.

When Yotat then tries to kill Rocket, Drax arrives to save the day.  Yotat sees an opportunity to kill Drax and make a name for himself.  But then the Nova Corps arrive and arrest him while Drax and Rocket slink away into the night.

Back to the present, and this seems like a rather lame setup for a reason to get Yotat to attack the Guardians.  And having used up most of this issue on an origin, it doesn’t take long for Yotat to destroy the Guardians and leave everyone but Rocket apparently dead or gravely injured.

Guardians of Knowhere #3

With all of the Guardians now down, Yotat drags them out into the streets of Knowhere and prepares to behead Drax to show the locals that he is running Knowhere now.  That is until Angela shows up and attacks him.  While she didn’t appear to be a Thor in issue 1, she quite clearly is here with the hammer and the lightening.

Drax and Angela team up to defeat Yotat, just in time for the Nova Corps to drop in and arrest him again.  They’ve been hunting Yotat as well, as he escaped from them and killed Moondragon in the process.  Now they have him and prepare to leave.  But Venom is not too keen on letting the Guardians go even if they did help apprehend Yotat.  The Nova Corps have also been looking for them for months.

So I’m sure you can guess what happens next?  It’s a battle for the ages between Venom and Drax as per the cover of this issue!  Err, no.  Angela says “hey you two, knock it off now!” and given that she’s a Thor, they go their separate ways.

But Angela still has her own agenda which includes getting answers from Gamora.  Gamora tells her about her lack of belief in Doom, which shocks Angela.  The two converse before Angela finally decides it is time to take Gamora to Doomstadt for punishment.  With Gamora not keen on going, we get a battle for the ages between Angela and Gamora!  Now, why wasn’t that on the cover?

The battle grinds to a halt when the sky rips open and another female combatant appears before them.

Guardians of Knowhere #4

The new giant female warrior doesn’t speak a language that either Gamora nor Angela understand.  While Gamora calls for peace, Angela lets her hammer do the talking, which doesn’t end well for anyone.  The warrior easily dispatches Gamora and Angela and subsequently the other Guardians.

Having not gotten far from when they left last issue, the Nova Corps return to help…and are also quickly defeated, and mostly killed.  The warrior somehow begins speaking English and roughly says “The Kree Empire will not die”, before she is finally run through by Gamora and Angela working together.

Angela says that she will take the warrior back to the science counsel at Castle Doom to be studied.  She begs Gamora not to leave Knowhere anymore.  Gamora says she cannot and begins to tell Angela about the visions she sees of Thanos, Quill and Groot.  Before Angela can decide again what to do with Gamora, the warrior recovers and kills Angela.  (So, is this the same Angela Thor that was in M.O.D.O.K. Assassin?)

The Guardians recover and as all good teams do, band together to defeat the warrior.  They have no answers to who she is though, but it is hinted that she somehow survived the incursion of the 616 universe.  And speaking of suriving the 616 incursion, look who it is folks, our very special guest 616 Peter Quill!

Peter, between the main Secret Wars book and your own book with Kitty Pryde and now your appearance here…tell our readers, how do you manage to get around and be in so many places?  “I dunno, I just go wherever Bendis tells me.”  Well, that doesn’t help us make any sense of this.

Quill has come to recruit the Guardians to come help fight Doom.  How did he even know they were there?  He doesn’t even seem to know where “there” is, as Rocket has to explain to him the story of Knowhere.  And where does this fit with the main series?  There is clearly time before Secret Wars #8 for Quill’s recruiting drive, but I doubt anyone even bothered to plan these things over at Marvel.