It’s that time again.
When Gabbing Geek gives you the Box Office Report, like you care. Actually, if you’ve read anything after the cuts here, you probably do, but there are some really numbers-obssessed people around here.
Still missing Watson, but once again we found someone to give us the report.
Yes, we found another distant Watson cousin. This one is apparently very distant. He said his name was Imwatsup.
He wrote in some kind of weird picture writing, so I transcribed his words between screams about Osiris and Ra and I’m guessing some other friends of his.
By the sacred Nile, I will reveal the secrets of the box office as listed in this past weekend, though I find your calendar an amusing attempt to replicate the power of our own. Does your calendar depend upon an annual flooding of your shores? I thought not.
The most of your currency, in an amount of a staggering $41.6 million, went to that star and its wars. Some force awakened. I know nothing of that. That is far too much money to give to any mortal man or institution short of a pharaoh.
Taking in slightly less currency than that was something about a revenant. I do not think it is the sort of revenant of which I am partial to. $38 million for a film that featured a bear attack? I have no interest. Had the animal in question been a crocodile, I would have been able to better relate. A crocodile ate the crown prince once, and the entire upper kingdom was in mourning for a full half a year.
A film about the return of a family patriarch brought in a total of $15 million. I find the return to the family order by rule of a male head of household appropriate, for as the sun sets into the underworld every night only to burst from that dark place by day, that is the most appropriate way to run a family or a kingdom.
Next was a movie about a place where there are many trees. Such a place is called a forest. I know nothing of this. The long, winding dunes that are sacred to Ra and Horus are my home. This forest somehow earned $13 million dollars. I am told the film is a horror story. Are trees truly frightening? I would not know. I know sand. It is coarse, and rough, and it gets everywhere.
Why do you laugh at me when I say that, mortal?
The final film amongst the top five to earn unwarranted amounts of currency is something about sisters. Perhaps it is a romantic comedy about a pharaoh who wishes to marry, but must chose which of his sisters will be his wife and mother to his children. Such a film sounds very promising. It earned $7.1 million.
Why, yes, I have encountered my cousin Cletus Watson. Why do you ask?
Watson has some strange relatives.