It’s that time of the week again where we pretend this is vital information.
And yes, Watson still isn’t back yet. We have a top guy looking for him.
Yeah, I scoped out all the spots we know this Watson’s been known to frequent. I checked the woods. I checked the Mystery Spot. I checked all the strip clubs. Some I checked twice just in case. You know how it is. Sometimes those girls know things, but it gets expensive asking. Remember: I work at a daily rate but you guys cover all my expenses. Who pays the bill when I find this Watson mook?
Garcia? Got it.
Anyway, I got some hot tips. The Revenant made a ton o’ dough this past weekend. $16 million. That’s a lot of simoleons. A guy could do a lot with that kinda scratch. And I hear some bears scratched some guys in that movie. That’s why I don’t take the bear cases.
Second was that Star Wars thingamabob. $14.2 million. Is that the movie with that beach ball robot thing? I never got into them space operas. Too esoteric for my mind. I prefer the beat of the city streets, stayin’ on the ground level, where the world is awash with grime that just needs to be cleaned. That ain’t no job for a Jedi.
Then there was some sort of Ride Along. I don’t care for those. Last time I went on a ride along, it was just so Lt. Menendez could bust my head for information, but I don’t give up a client, not even for the $12.9 million this movie brought in.
Then I heard something about a dirty grandpa and a boy. Then I found out those were movies. How much does it cost to pay off a man’s conscience? I only ask ’cause Dirty Grandpa is a long way from Taxi Driver. It’s the kind of movie that you may laugh at, but still feel grimy in your guts. And The Boy may be in fifth place, but who really fears a doll?
Now clowns on the other hand…
This guy couldn’t find his own ass with a map and a flashlight. We still can’t find Watson. Dangit.