Gabbing Geek Box Office Report: We Still Write ‘Em

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It’s almost spring time, a time when young men’s minds skip to flights of fancy and other stuff like that.

Point is, we still haven’t found Watson, whose mind skipped to something with a lot of nachos and cheese in a far off land.  Time for the box office report.

Yes, the wonders of technology, namely Ryan’s acquisition of Doc Brown’s Time Travel Emporium in a not particularly hostile takeover, have gotten us looking in other eras.  And then we found another Watson cousin, namely 1960s professional Watson.

1960s Watson
1960s Watson

We told him we’d send him back if he gave us the box office report.

Well, this is quite the sophisticated era you have here.  You say there are whole musicals about the Founding Fathers?  And they bounce around during it?  I assume that is what “hip hop” means.

Ah, I see.  You wish me to give a report on what motion pictures made the most money over the weekend.  Good thinking. You know those lousy Reds would never do such a thing.

At any rate, the number one picture for this past weekend is some sort of nonsense word.  A Zootopia?  That’s ridiculous.  And this weekend gross sounds made up.  $73.7 million?  Movie tickets only cost about fifty cents a pop.  They couldn’t possibly…

Tickets cost how much now?  Inflation?

That’s terrible.

OK, then, number two is something called London Has Fallen.  I am guessing that’s some kind of World War II epic.  God knows those folks would all be goose-stepping all over their island if we hadn’t come along then.  $21.7 million for that period piece.  American muscle and know-how always keeps the world safe.  That’s why I’m sure that whole Vietnam thing will turn out well.

Wait…what is a deadpool, and how does it get third place with $16.4 million?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot earned fourth.  Say, do you think the people who made this movie are aware what that movie’s initials suggest?  You can’t put that in a movie.  It wouldn’t be decent.  Still, $7.6 million is a rather impressive amount, though not as much as the history story or the whatever a zootopia is.

And finally, we have Gods of Egypt with $5 million.  That’s a weird title for a biblical epic.  Probably something from the Cecil B DeMille school of filmmaking.

What’s that?  Go back?  Why would I want to do that?  This Internet thing has shown me a place where I can increase the size of my manhood while looking at photos of lots of naked women.  Do you know how hard it is to get those sorts of services where I come from?

Yeah, he’s a Watson alright.

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