It’s time for what may arguably my least favorite column of the week, and yet I continue to submit one anyway.
There’s something really deep going on here.
As the search for Watson progresses, he who used to do this column every week and seemed to enjoy it, we’re left to yet another distant Watson cousin to make the report. This week, we asked Rory McWatson.
We found him hiding beneath a tree in a weird forest.
Ah, faith an’ begorrah, are ye come to steal me pot o’ gold?
No? Fine. Then I shall relate to ye, good sir, the weekend’s box office, where the real gold is produced.
In first place, through no fault of me own mind ye, was Batman vs. Superman. It made a lot more money than I have ever seen, sir. $170 million, sir. That is, like, enough ta keep me in green nylons fer many a moon.
Second place went to Zootopia. I do not see the fuss there, sir. I see talkin’ animals all the time, and they need not bring in $23 million.
Third place was fer My Big Fat Greek Weddin’ 2. $18 million there. Perhaps it would have done much better, sir, had it been called My Big Fat Irish Wedding or even just My Big Fat Geek Wedding. More appropriate fer this site ye work on, sir, that last one. It might have least done better than the talking animals, sir.
In fourth place was Miracles from Heaven, which sounds like the title ye give a movie to get the money off hard-workin’ religious types. $9.5 million there, sir.
And finally, we have a Divergent movie. There’s nothin’ good about anythin’ there, sir. Another 9.5 million too, sir.
Hark! I think I hear the call of the banshee!
At that point, the bugger tossed some sort of a smoke bomb and ran off giggling like a madman. I am getting mighty sick of Watson’s weirdo cousins.