This episode of The Simpsons is named after a movie where a woman is forced by Nazis to choose which of her two children will be immediately killed.
Nothing that happens in this episode is anywhere near as depressingly awful as that.
While watching TV, the Simpson family are inspired to visit the Captain Lance Murdock-endorsed amusement park Duff Gardens. Sadly, Marge’s great aunt has died, and the family must instead take a trip to her funeral.
Plus, they have to pick up Patty and Selma. That never makes people feel better. Funerals are bad enough.
At the video reading of the will, presided by Lionel Hutz, after Homer fast-forwarded through a funeral no one but Marge wanted to hear, Selma listens to the advice to start a family so she won’t die alone. I guess Patty doesn’t count. Meanwhile, Homer ate Marge’s inheritance of potato chips that look like famous people.
Biological clock ticking, Selma tells Patty she wants a baby. Maggie hears this and tries to get out of the car.
What follows is a series of escapades (that’s a really good word) where Selma tries to find a man. Video dating doesn’t work. Love potions don’t work, especially if the fortune teller takes the truth serum by mistake, and a date with Hans Moleman spooks her. That leaves artificial insemination, where many of the babies look an awful lot like Barney.
But the Simpsons are making another attempt for Duff Gardens! Only Homer was eating a really old and rotten ten foot party sub again, and he’s too sick to go. Selma offers to take the kids to see if she can be a good parent.
Duff Gardens proves to be too much for Selma. Lisa drinks some water from a really spooky It’s A Small World type ride, making her hallucinate in psychedelic ways. Bart is Bart. And Selma’s appeals to help to Surly don’t help because Surly only cares about one thing, and that’s Surly.
A depressed Selma, realizing Homer may actually be better at the parenting thing then she is, finds succor with her dead aunt’s iguana Jub-Jub. That’s sweet.
You know, if anything involving a woman and an iguana can be sweet.