Selma Bouvier does not want to die alone. We got a sense of that when Principal Skinner was courting her more hostile sister Patty, but Selma makes plenty of bad romantic decisions entirely on her own.
Yes, Selma joined a prison pen pal program (try saying that five times fast) because she could not find a good man among the law-abiding. Despite concerns from members of her family that Selma’s disturbing boyfriend was either the Elephant Man, a head on a table, or Homer’s long lost identical twin brother, it turns out that Selma’s new love is in fact Springfield’s most notorious arch criminal, indeed its only notorious arch criminal, Sideshow Bob.
And while Homer may or may not have forgotten the first two lessons of the Buddha, Bob claims he did not come to get revenge on Bart but to court and marry Selma. Bart never buys this for a second.
That’s actually a rather nice inversion from “Krusty Gets Busted,” where everyone believed Krusty did the armed robbery that was actually done by Bob. There, Bart never believed Krusty did it. Lisa didn’t either, but she never says here what she thinks of Bob’s supposed reform. Bart never for a second believes Bob is reformed.
Well, Bob of course isn’t reformed. He just changed his target. He’s not looking for revenge on Bart. Well, he might be depending on how Bart feels about his Aunt Selma. This one is a quick marriage for the money and murder. You know, the old Triple M.
Bob, who finds there is an ugly side to murder when he has to consummate his marriage, skips out as promised for MacGyver, and that’s when Bart pieces it all together. Four attempts to explain it to Homer go nowhere, but Marge gets it, and one quick road trip to Shelbyville and Selma is saved.
The room still explodes thanks to the carelessness of Chief Wiggum, who will gladly take lessons from Bart since it is the only way he’ll learn.
So, Bob goes back to his overcrowded jail, Selma gets to live, and Chief Wiggum learned something. It was a good day for everyone that wasn’t Sideshow Bob or the owner of the Shelbyville Best Western.