Virgin Vampire: My First Experience With Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Season 2)

In every generation there is a Chosen One. I alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of  Netflix.  I am the slayer! And these are my chronicles while watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for the first time…. as a 35 year old woman. That’s right – I am a Buffy virgin.

Introduction:

If you happened to have read my first post about not being a Buffy The Vampire Fan, then you would know that my lack of Buffiness was solely based on not watching the show in it’s prime. And since I have a new group of very awesome geeky girlfriends, it has come to my attention that this “blind spot” just won’t do. I’ve heard so much about this show, and it hasn’t been until now that I have ever watched a single solitary episode.

For my first two posts, this one being the second, I will be recapping my reaction to the entirety of the season, in this case Season 2. After that – I will do episodic updates as I watch them.

Spoiler alert. I shouldn’t have to say it, but you’ve been warned. Eighteen gazillion spoilers ahead for those of you who are also Buffy virgins. Consider your virginity lost after this romp in the hay.

Season 2 Recap:

Season 2 started off a little slow to me. Actually – I can’t remember any of the episode plot lines before “TED.” That’s the episode that has John Ritter in it as a psycho cyborg dad who literally beats Buffy senseless in her bedroom. Creepy. Right after that…things start to get good. Really good. I think it took something like John Ritter slapping Buffy to wake me up again and pay attention. Finally! They are dealing with dark stuff – not that vampires aren’t dark enough for me, but you know what I mean. Child abuse is heavy, and at the time Ritter was super creepy as Ted. Yuck. I don’t like to think about it. The episode did it’s job, I was back in the game.

Soon thereafter Buffy and Angel have sex (told you virginity would be lost).

SEX!

HOT DOG! People getting it on! Believe me, after watching True Blood, you get a little jaded to the school girl kissing. Not saying I want to watch a porno, no, no, that’s sooooooo not me, not that it is any of your business anyway. But the “oh Angel, you are so sweet, and please come meet me in the graveyard at night” was getting a little old. Where’s the action!? Apparently you have to almost die to screw in Sunnydale – but hey, that’s okay. They’re in love. It was totally appropriate  – wait – how old were they? Isn’t Buffy supposed to be 17 and Angel is….what… 235 years old? Eeeeeeeeek. Um…. No comment. Maybe they should have stuck to kissing since this ultimately leads to Angel’s demise. Damn it. Sex certainly complicates things, doesn’t it?

Speaking of complicated, what the hell is going on with Xander and Cordelia? Gross. Can we please get past whatever the heck this is and get to something more interesting. What is so sad about this situation, is that it totally points out that Xander would rather be with someone he hates than with Willow. Low blow dude, even for an idiot like you. Listen, I’m sure this was written somewhere in Nicholas Brendon’s contract: “Must make out with one hot chick for half the season,” but did it have to be Cordelia? Why can’t a vampire just come and take her away. I’m over her. Just as much as I’m over Drusilla. God – don’t even get me started on her.

Spiiiiiike, can I eat this human please and then whine about it all day long and float about the room like I’m on drugs?

Actually, yes – let’s get started with Drusilla. IS THIS CHICK FOR REAL? How in the world is she still around. She adds no depth, she’s completely useless, and ultimately her getting between Angel and Spike is boring. I don’t care. I do care about Spike – I do care about Angel…. or Angelus… or Demon Vampire Angel…but I don’t care about Dru. Please go away. Actually, someone please steak her right in the heart.

Speaking of Angelus, the hope of Angel being with Buffy again is totally real in the “I only have eyes for you” episode. And I never thought I would be routing for Spike as much as I am right now. I hate bad Angel. He’s such a douche. The funny thing is that right after Angelus kills Jenny (computer teacher that totally gave Giles blue balls) I had a dream that I was in Sunnydale high, and I was dating Xander. Hmmm. What does that say about me? But back to Angel. I don’t know that I like “bad” Angel. It’s complicating things, I can see that – but he was much more interesting when I only saw him every so often, and usually in the shadows. Now that he’s out in the open being a total prick, I am less compelled to care about him.

Can we go back to Angel and Buffy having sex? That was more fun.

You know what else is fun? Finding out that Oz (the only boy in school that notices Willow) is a werewolf. Yeeeehaw people, this is totally like True Blood. Actually other way around: True Blood is totally like Buffy. Apparently True Blood copied all of Buffy and updated it into a made for TV skinamax version. Not going to say they were wrong in doing so, but now I see where all their ideas came from. Thank you 90’s Buffy. This is fun. Anyway – back to Oz. I like this character, it’s like Seth Green just showed up and was like “Yo, I’m totally going to play myself on your show.” And the producers were like “Yo, that’s cool, but you’re a werewolf, dig it?” And then Seth was like “Totes.”

Why is it that gingers flock to other gingers? I mean – does Oz have to be with Willow? I’m still routing for Willow to get with Xander. She deserves that. I think. Well – let’s assume that Xander gets his head out of his ass and keeps his quirky charm. Then and only then will I be okay if Willow and he eventually hook up. And … we get a glimpse of that this season when Xander confesses that he loves Willow while she is in the hospital. That was a sweet moment, I pretty much squealed for 10 minutes after that. They’re totally hooking up – see you later Oz!

So, there are a lot of ridiculous plot lines, and sub stories that happen in this show, but one of the stories that I thought was the most ridiculous is when we got to see Angel’s backstory. What the flip-flaring-filth is going on here? Is he Irish? IRISH? That would explain the Claddgah ring he eventually gives to Buffy, but holy hell – didn’t see that coming. You’d think that if you were full bore Irish, that the accent would transcend time and space. I mean, you’ve heard an Irishman talk before, right? You don’t just get rid of that over time – it’s sticks with you like grey hair, you can cover it up all you’d like, but it’s still grey – or Irish – or whatever.

Eh lassy – what say you make me immortal?

Seriously, his accent is terrible. It’s like the 90’s didn’t care whether or not they were appropriate, they just needed him to come from some place that wasn’t America. And one of the writers was like: “Hey, you know that pretty ring the Irish use to tell someone they love them? Let’s use that in on of our episodes between Buffy and Angel.” And another person agreed: “Yeah, that’s a sweet idea. And let’s make Angel Irish.” Producer: “I don’t think David Boreanaz knows how to do an Irish accent.” Writer: “Screw it, he’ll learn – plus we can dress him up like a mid-century Frenchman, no one is going to know.” Stamp of approval. Signed, sealed, delivered. Done. 

Among the other lame ideas of this season was the character of Kendra. Is she supposed to be Jamaican? I can’t figure it out. There really isn’t a need for this character at all – actually, I was pretty annoyed with her every time she was on screen. Thankfully she didn’t last long – which leads me to the finale.

At this point in time our heroes are still meeting in the library and using it as their secret base. Okay, for the love of god, can we find a new place to meet? The library is a bad idea. Doesn’t anyone get that? Anyway, Angelus is wreaking havoc on our beloved Scooby gang, and is possibly going to end the world with the summoning of a demon. Just like an Irishman to blow up the world unintentionally. And in the mean time, our lovely crew is still trying to cast a spell to so that the brooding Angel will wake up and snap out of it. And…In the middle of all of this chaos we find out that Spike is the shit.

The moment we find out that Spike is totally over Angelus (just like me) and wants to get the hell out of dodge with Dru (thank god, that means she’s gone too) I was hooked. Oh Spike – you dirty little dog you. I cannot believe you are willing to strike a deal with Buffy to ensure your own ass is safe. This is so very Eric Northman of you. Actually – swap that… Eric Northman is apparently an updated version of Spike. God I love this. My favorite scene this whole season is when Buffy invites Spike into her house, and Spike and Buffy’s mom are sitting in the living room trying to have a conversation. That was gold.

So a lot of fighting and ass-kickery later, we find out that Buffy actually is the best slayer around (because Kendra kicked the bucket) and she gives no shits anymore. But this is where I find myself totally sucked into the story….because during the “Buffy is going to kill everything” fight scene, we have Willow channeling her inner Wiccan and finally we see her successfully cast the gypsy spell that should bring back brooding Angel.

And it works.

He’s back

ANGEL IS BACK!

And oh god – WAIT – BUFFY NO!!!!!

I kill you Angel because I love you.

STOP!

WAIT WTF!? BUFFY KILLED ANGEL?! What is going on here? Wasn’t there another way? Couldn’t she have saved him, and killed the demon beast?  This is bogus. This is awful.  And fuck … Sarah Mclachlan is now playing in the background, so you know this is for real.

Damn it all to hell!

I quit. The moment the show got good, they kill off a major character. Just like Game of Thrones. Don’t you dare George R. R. Martin me Buffy! Don’t you dare!

And now Buffy is on a bus on a road to nowhere….

End scene.

Lord give me the strength to get through season 3, because I will need it! I’ve already slayed season 1& 2. Stayed tuned for more updates on my experience with Buffy – coming soon!